Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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