Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
