Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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