Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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