look no pants
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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