he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
