Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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