I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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