We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You pole danced in your parka.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
