TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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