I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
