So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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