two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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