You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
