I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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