i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
