You're so nebulous sometimes
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
