I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.