Will you blow on my dice?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
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If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable