There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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