I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
