Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
