Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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