i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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