Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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