Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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