I bet he comes in French.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
