im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
