If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
