Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize