I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
