remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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