Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
