Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
