i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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