just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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