I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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