none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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