ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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