i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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