kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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