Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
