This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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