I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
