dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
soo... how was my night?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
