At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
