Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
