We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
