You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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