smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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