i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
