anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
