I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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