I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Randomize
