Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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