Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
