he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
