In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
