I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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