just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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