I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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