Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
