apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
