32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
