**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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