is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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