Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
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The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
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Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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